Oh East is East and West is West
But neither knows just how to best
Deal with the great gods awful mess
Left after a goblin raid!

At first light they will tumble down
from misty peaks, then run through town
as frantic warning trumpets sound
to warn of the goblin raid.

They fill the cream pails up with dirt
They peek up old maids' woolen skirts
They pull your nose until it hurts!
Tis hell, is a goblin raid!

They leap on tables, run down benches
With cries of love pursue the wenches
They hide the hammers and the wrenches
On a typical goblin raid.

They shriek until the dogs all howl.
They tease the cats until they growl
No matter if it's fish or fowl:
Fair game on a goblin raid.

So lock up all the lads and lasses
Hide away those crystal glasses
Pray to your gods the scourge soon passes
Beware of a goblin raid!