O we're quite proper pirates!
You've never known our ilk!
We love to dine on crumpets
And we drink our tea with milk.

Diddle de dum dum dum
Diddle de dum dum dum

Oh we're quite proper pirates
We've never been to sea.
We do not do the ocean blue
At home we'd rather be.
We do not like the ocean
It's cold and wet and dank!
And we, for one, don't think it's fun
To make folks walk the plank.

O we're quite proper pirates!
You've never known our ilk!
We love to dine on crumpets
And we drink our tea with milk.

Diddle de dum dum dum
Diddle de dum dum dum

We're very proper pirates!
We've never sailed a sloop!
It's bloody hell! We could not tell
The aft deck from the poop.
We do not want your treasure,
Don't miss the cannons' roar.
We're satisfied to just reside
Quite safely on the shore.

O we're quite proper pirates!
You've never known our ilk!
We love to dine on crumpets
And we drink our tea with milk.

Diddle de dum dum dum
Diddle de dum dum dum