Quicksilver

Equilibrium

I was really good at being lost. Empty vessel, open bowl, stuff was poured in and I poured it right back out to serve everyone else. I was efficient. There were never any leftovers. I was beautifully in tune with what would please others, help others, satisfy others. But me, I was just a bowl, a scooped chute, a pass-through. There wasn't anything to me at all. I was just empty.

A few startling events (ala head trips without drugs) helped me to finally see that I'd been lost to myself and empty. I set about finding what I needed to fill my vessel so I'd have something to connect with inwardly and outwardly. A light switch flicked to ON and I gasped in surprise at what I'd not seen from my own hollow darkness out to the everything around me. Now even when the light is dim. I know it's all there. I'm changed forever.

In the end, I believe it's about finding an equilibrium. I can be my whole self but also serve the greater whole from that. In my experience, we cannot serve authentically from an empty vessel. It may provide an illusion of substance being dished out, but it's thin, frail, vaporous, or watered down as it's passed from someone else.

I'm guessing that people who start out full of themselves have to make the transition in the other direction, until they too find a balance.

09.08.2001

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