Quicksilver

Soul Awareness

While I'm tempted to say that my faith or belief reassures me that I have a soul/spirit and that it is immortal, that's not really what proves it for me. The truth is, I experienced moments which convinced me. They came more frequently as I opened myself to them, even just a little. Now, there is a continuous undercurrent (or infusion) that leaves no doubt whatsoever.

It is not faith, it is knowing, very comfortable joyous knowing. But, can I show pictures of it? Can I make another person know it? No. They have to learn it for themselves. However, I can share and maybe that will encourage others to open up to the idea. Openness is the key, I think, otherwise the message could be blasted at a person and it would never get through.

I'm not suggesting that a person open themselves to every notion that comes along, but to listen, to oneself and what comes across one's own attention and decide if it feels authentic, rings true, for the individual.

I didn't have a blinding moment of revelation or epiphany, as people often do through some monumental (usually tragic) event in their lives. I had a gradual 'piling up' of events until patterns emerged that made me curious. Synchronicity replaced any notion of coincidence. I cracked the door open a peep. Then, I had a few experiences like none I'd ever recalled before, which I could not explain away. They were dream-like in unfamiliarity, but I was fully conscious. I came to accept them as 'proof' but it was not proof in the concrete, physical, externally verifiable way. This lies beyond the physical realm and yet expresses through it.

I had to trust me. If there's a leap of faith involved, I guess that would be it. I had to trust that I would not lead myself astray. Eventually I came to realize that a deeper part of me, beyond my waking consciousness, had been trying to tell me something for a while. I finally listened. Then I began to integrate it all together.

It's tough watching others struggle with this, but I don't know how to help except to share what I understand as I understand it, to note that I have been where they are and found that it's worth it to trust that inner voice.

02.05.2002

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