ACCURATE ACRONYMS

TRUTHS AND
ONE-LINERS

LAWS OF PROGRAMMING

SOFTWARE LIFE CYCLE: HOW SOFTWARE IS BORN

HOW PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES ARE LIKE CARS

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF STRESS-FREE PROGRAMMING



BYTE BACK
homegrown
computer quips



FAMOUS LAST WORDS
(ie, KISS OF DEATH)
"It'll run this time!"

"I just found/fixed the last bug."

It's not a bug. Feature It's a feature!
Yeah, right.

THE BUGS STOP HERE.
They twitch their little hairy feelers at me
and chitter "neener neener neener"... GAH!

Software Life Cycle:
How Software Is Born

    Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program shrink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual and 12-paragraph disclaimer notice actually came to you by way of an elaborate path, through the most rigid quality control on the planet. Here, shared for the first time with the general public, are the inside details of the program development cycle:

    1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
    2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
    3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
    4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
    5. See 3.
    6. See 4.
    7. See 5.
    8. See 6.
    9. See 7.
    10. See 8.
    11. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
    12. Users find 137 new bugs.
    13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
    14. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
    15. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
    16. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
    17. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.
    18. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
    19. See step 2
ZAP!
BUGS ZAPPED
bzzz
Damn! There's a bug in the counter!

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