Doubt Yes, while on the path it is natural to have doubts. I have worried whether I'm experiencing something wonderful or just making stuff up from some twist in my psyche. How do we know the difference between spiritual transcendence and some vague psychosis? What if I'm not enlightened but just on the verge of some sort of breakdown? It's natural to wonder, to evaluate, to be cautious and to have some measure of fear. We're like that when we encounter most anything new and different. Sometimes I've felt a desperate need for independent verification, for confirmation that I am not insane. I've ached for something outside myself to convince me, unquestionably, that what I believe is true. I've seen glimpses of such freedom and power, and in the same thought, I've heard two polar opinions. One is that I can do those fantastic things any time I wish. The other is that I couldn't possibly, I haven't the right, I've just lost my mind, there's no such thing. When I experience such fear or doubts about my path, then I take a break. I stop. I have to have a little chat with myself, the ordinary kind. You must learn to do the same. Calm down. Go back to the base of all of this. Remember a very important principle that is always at work here: Your inner self, your higher self, God, the Universe, whatever you wish to call it... Loves you, perfectly. You are protected by your own spirit and nurtured toward growth, even when you can't see or feel any evidence of it consciously. Nothing can ultimately harm you. Anything you fear is from yourself and there is a lesson to be learned. Learning this lesson will show you that there is no need to fear it. Anything that makes you feel unworthy or bad is trying to show you an area where you may grow and eventually accept everything that you are, with peace and love. I know it sounds easy. I know it's not easy. Your journey can be challenging and your spirit loves a challenge. However, you, the part that has to deal with daily physical life, may just want it to all be fixed and over with. Well, you aren't on a path to fix things. You are not broken. You are exactly as you intended to be, every moment of every day. If you feel uncomfortable with your situation, then change it. Figure out why it makes you uncomfortable. You may have intended for that very thing to happen so it would urge you to make changes or to learn acceptance. Difficult as it may be to believe, even people with psychoses have chosen to have these challenges, albeit from outside their consciousness in this physical plane. Your life is not written in stone. It's organic, mutable, shifting, always changing and therefore you may always redirect the things you do not like into another pathway that you may like better. Don't assume that you must be a sum of your life up until now, ie, don't bury yourself in your own past. It's done. It won't help to try to change the past. You are living NOW. So NOW is what you can manipulate. You can only change how you think of the past and whether carrying parts of it with you would be burdensome or educational. Also, don't get all tangled up in the future. Try not to think too far down the road. Don't borrow trouble and worries from an unknown tomorrow. You know very well that things can change dramatically in an instant, so, design who you want to be and work toward that. But, don't get locked into a narrow vision of the outcome. Don't try to etch your future in stone either. Often the doubt or fear comes from our insecurities and need for approval from others. If you go by everyone else's idea of who you should be, then you will be locked into an external image and it will never fit because everyone else's idea will be different. You'd have to change all the time to suit each person as you go and you cannot please them all. Please you, your value system, your belief system and the higher power which you trust. The path that others want you to walk is not your own. In fact, what they want is likely just a projection of themselves. Walk in your own path, not in the trenches that others have dug for themselves or that they set aside for you. Trust in yourself, especially the higher part of yourself, the pure spirit that is always there to watch over you and guide you. Develop acid tests of your own that help you keep conscious tabs on what you're doing, if that makes you feel better. Determine whether your actions are helpful to yourself or others. Are you spreading light or darkness? Are you taking in light or darkness? If you are fearful, what is it that you fear? Face it. Anything lurking in your own shadows is something you created and so you give it power by fearing it. You can revoke that power by exploring it. A good metaphor for control of doubt would be horseback riding. (Ride with me for a minute.) When riding a horse, I know that I am on a beast that is larger and more powerful than I am. I believe that he will obey my commands through rein and bridle and gentle pressure with my feet in the stirrups. I try to relax my body into the horse's stride so that we move together as one, but we have to get used to each other as we go. The horse may break free of my control and gallop but the reins are still in my hands. I can always pull back, to go slower or stop the horse's aggressive actions. In fact, I can get off the horse and try riding again later. Sometimes I may get bumped off the horse but we can always try again. I remember actually riding a horse on a woodsy and winding forest trail once. It was a nice leisurely ride and I was fairly comfortable with it until we came upon a stretch of the trail that followed the edge of a ravine. I was suddenly very worried that the horse might misstep and we'd tumble over into the trees and rocks below us. I said as much to the trail guide and got back a bit of wisdom that applies to soul journeys in a very profound way. The guide essentially said that the horse isn't like a car or other inanimate vehicle. A horse has a sense of itself. Regardless of whether the horse cared one whit about me as a rider, it was not going to do anything to put itself in danger. No matter what signals I gave it, the horse would not take a wrong step to dump us both into the ravine. It would not start running and slam us both into a tree. It would not toy with danger in any way, for its own sake. In fact, a trail horse knows the trail infinitely better than I do and would proceed just fine, with or without me trying to control it. So, if I just concerned myself with my connection to the horse by staying with its stride, by following the hints of its movement and being one with the horse, I too would be kept safe. In the case of the inner self, of course, there is more than the horse sense of self-preservation. I am the vessel for my soul and therefore my higher self (or God or the Universe or the Oneness) has a vested interest in my safety and progress. The more I trust that, the better I will know how to discern what is right for me and what is not and how to handle it. If it becomes too much to maneuver, I can step away for a while. I can focus my conscious mind on mundane matters only and connect to the bigger scene again later. When I feel the need, I can be only the simple me in this physical plane and not pay attention to whatever else there is. People function this way all the time. However, by taking those rides with my soul, I am learning to pull together all that I am and to share in All That Is. When I have matured, when I have fully integrated my body, mind and soul, then I will learn to completely release the reins and be the whole spirit that is me... without fear or worry or doubt. (Doubt)

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